It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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