I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
