but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
