dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
