My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
