dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
