Just fell off a train. Bad.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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