There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
