census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
