Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
