i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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