You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
