There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
