Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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