accomplished twins. life is a go
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
