i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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