She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's great music for shaving your balls
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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