its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
