when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
