I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
