Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
