my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
