I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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