Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
