By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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