fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
