Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize