His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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