why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
