The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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