He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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