dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
