OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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