I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
