The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
