so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
