shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
well you can't waste a boner
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
