Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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