Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize