the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
