is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
