I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
