i just sent this text using only my big toe
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
