thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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