Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
