I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
