I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
