Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
