I'd wear matching sweaters with you
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
