I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
