Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
