dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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