margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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