I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
