I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
