Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
