you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize