Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
