I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this boner is exhausting
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
