Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
