I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
