i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize