Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
