I cockslap morals
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
