come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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