She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
