New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
