i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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