all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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