I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
