why didn't you poke me back
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
