idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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