She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would fuck him just for his dog
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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