Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
