The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
