i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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