the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
