He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize