The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
