Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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