I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
