he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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