peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
