i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Pants are for mortals
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
