Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
