he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
