Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize