Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
