YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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