Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
