So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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