I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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