She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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