my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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