what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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