Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
