i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
