My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
