you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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