she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
People in love make me want to vomit
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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