yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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