Capitaan dildo arrescate!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize