K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
