I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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