How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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